Look Up The Sky In The Darkest Moonless Night, You’ll See The Brightest Star And That’ll Be My Dearest, One & Only Massi Who Is Watching Over Us All
Friends, remember my previous post about taking a long break? Well, today I will be telling you a true ’story’, if I can really say it is a ’story’–Well, it’s basically a flashback which hurts me day and night.
Tuesday 28 October:
It’s Happy Divali. For me it’s relatively sad Divaly despite wishing everyone, sharing sweets and lighting lamps. That day, I went to my Massi’s place, she was not feeling well as usual and had her left part of her body swollen massively. That’s because, she was having side-effects from the radiation therapy she had on her head and was given another treatment to fight those side-effects leading to swelling. It doesn’t matter. Further, the eyesight is decreasing day by day. Mama, Mami, Priya & I helped each other to prepare Massi’s Gato Patate because she loves to prepare this for Divali. It’s done. We stayed till 3.30 pm at her place, chit-chatted a lot and it’s time to get back home, to distribute sweets and light lamps.
Wednesday 29 October:
Mama called Massi, she is having severe back pain and cannot do anything!
Massi cannot bear her pain and even screams loads. Mama goes to meet her and does her house-holds. In the afternoon, Massi seems ok, Mama gets back home. At night, Massi is in terrible pain.
Friday 31 October:
Mama calls, Mawsa replies that Massi had her medicines and is sleeping.
Saturday 01 November:
We had that outing on Mauritius Pride. Again Mama calls in the morning, Mawsa replied Massi is doing her Pranaayaam.
Sunday 02 November:
Mama calls again, Mawsa replies Massi is sleeping.
Mami comes in the afternoon and says to my mum ” Lou, Soudevi bien dan bez…pa kpav guet li aster…bizin fer kitsoz pu li pli vite ki possib…” And her starts the chase to buy Swami Ramdev’s Medicines but the transactions would fail.
Mama goes to stay at Massi’s place and plans to come back around Thursday. I call Mama after class: “Massi p gagne buku douleur, li p dormi la…toi pa pran tracas ek reviser pu test week”
Mama is hiding something from me.
It’s SSD test at 4.00pm - 5.00pm. I go to uni library early and revise important chapters only and give the test. I call Mama twice, I get the same response as on Monday.
It’s database test at 2.00pm - 3.00pm and I had relational algebra and relational calculus left to revise.
Humanity won over ego. Papa finally decides to pay Massi a visit and we reached there at 7.00 am. Massi cannot breathe properly, she is in deep pain at the same time, it was like “so la vie ti p sorti depi so le corps” Mama tells Papa & Me: “Coz ar li parski li pa p truv zot!”
Something pierced my heart, I was heart broken… Massi can no longer see her kids.
Papa talks to her and holds her hand, Massi feels happy despite her pain and lack of breath when she got to know Papa has come to see her.
Then it’s my turn to talk her: “Massi Dini sa” , that’s all I could tell her and the reply was: “Dini, guet kuma mone vini…Massi in fini aster…To guet mo Siddhee bien, guet so time table bien ek fer li ale fer so bane papiers…”
Yeah, my younger cousine was having her Form 5 exams.
Massi is still having breathing problems and she screams in pain “Amen moi lopital ene
dimoune…”
We called SAMU and in the mean time, Papa and Mawsa bring her downstairs in the living room.
SAMU comes and take her… Mama and Mawsa go to hospital, Siddhee goes for her exams (I know her mood was off just like mine) and she had to be very courageous. I didn’t go to uni library to revise because I had to stay there with my Nani… She is totally “inconsolable.”
Mama returns around 11.00 am, Massi admitted in hospital, there’s no place, in fact, at Candos. She was admitted in Ward 3 and later on to be moved to Radiation Therapy Ward-Female.
I leave for uni, Mama repeats what Massi told her in the Ambulance : “Massi ine dir-dir sa bane zenfants la apprane ek passer avek bon resultats!” I replied “ok”.
I reach uni library and I can only flip through my notes and cannot concentrate.
It’s 2.00 pm, time to give the test, I tried questions on which I was confident - normalisation and plpgsql function. It’s time to tackle relational algebra and calculus, and I’m confused. I tried my best to concentrate but I can only see my Massi in a suffering state. Then I told to myself, “To Hell With The Paper! I really and sincerely cannot concentrate on the paper, and whatever marks I will get, I will accept them, I will have other tests and assignments to catch up.” (I don’t regret my marks for the test, but I will live up to the Lecturer’s expectations in coming tests, assignments and exams, I promise!)
In the evening, I call Mama, she says she will return home when Massi gets back from hospital. I said “ok, pa casse tete, pa bizin ou gagne tracas pu lakaz, mo pu fini debrouiller”
In the days following, Massi can no longer eat solid food, everything had to be pureed and she had them through straws. Mama stayed at Massi’s place, and went to hospital day and night (around 8.00pm) to take care of Massi and feed her.
Thursday 06 November:
I go to see Massi at RTF ward, she is on oxygen. She says to me and Siddhee “Bane zenfants, pa fer mo malade vine zot faiblesse pu aprane, o contraire zot bizin fer sa vine zot la force!”
Friday 07 November:
Massi’s elder daughter is informed everything and she wants to be in Mauritius and finally convinces her dad. Arrangements were quickly made and Preeta is in Mauritius on Sunday, she got only two weeks from her university otherwise she’ll have to repeat one whole year.
Then came last weekend–Saturday 22 and Sunday 23 October.
I went to hospital Saturday morning. Massi was suffering. Mama had to brush her teeth etc, and Massi was no longer able to support herself on her hands while sitting, so I sat behind her and she leaned her back on me, while Mama cleaned her.
She did not want to have her milk, Fortimel (the only thing she was taking, excluding water…Yeah, she had even stopped taking pureed food and soup), we forced her and I fed her the milk while this time, Mawsa was behind her.
I went to uni for programming classes, and had a kinda nice time there, despite being lost frequently.
Preeta had to leave for Russia at night and she did leave at 11.00pm
Sunday 23 October:
We went to hospital in the morning…Massi did not wake up neither to clean her mouth nor to have her milk. We talk to her, she doesn’t respond at all. We asked the nurses if she was given injection, they denied and said that Massi is like that till 4.00 am. She was like a living vegetable. And she seems to be crying silently, her tears were rolling down her cheeks discretely. Visiting time is over and we leave.
We go back at 12.00 visiting time till 2.30pm. Massi is still same as in the morning. I start to get hyper possessive and did not allow other visitors to surround her. I stayed by her side, absorbing her drops of tears each time they would form at the corner of her eyes, with tissue paper. I held her hand each time I could do so. Then, we got to know that one of my Mawsa’s brother talketo to her Doctor, and we were told we can take her home. And so the formalities done. It’s 2.45pm and they take her home, while I took bus to return at my place since I have to work on assignments.
As I got off the bus at Venus bus stop, Mama calls me and tells me get back to Vacoas. Everything’s over. Massi is gone. She has closed her eyes for ever. I went home first, then left my pen drive and some papers for assignment with Tasneem at her place, and then got back to Vacoas. I was told, that they could only put Massi to bed, feed her some drops of Tulsi water and everything over…
I’ve been through all the difficult moments there…starting with bathing her till taking her to coffin… The most painful moment was to her being dressed like a bride and watch my Mawsa apply her Sindoor for a last time and make her wear her Mangalsutra… She was looking very beautiful…not even a single trace of pain could be seen on her face and no one say that she has been through much trouble before dying… On the funeral day, it was heart breaking to see my Mawsa make her wear the Red Rose Flowered Garland…How I wish I could post the pictures I took for Preeta since she was not in Mauritius…
In fact, we realised several coincidences between my Mamou’s and Massi’s death:
Mamou:
Date: 23 October
Day: Sunday
Time: 3.15 am
Age: 45 years
Preeta alone in Russia
Shai taking form 5 exams
Massi:
Date: 23 November
Day: Sunday
Time: 3.15 pm
Age: 45 years
Preeta alone in Russia
Sid taking form 5 exams
I’ve lost most of my emotional strength though it’s not apparently so…I’ve been through too much for the past 3 years…and I won’t be able to take any more emotional shocks in whatever forms they might take…I badly need a warm encouraging hug from someone who really and sincerely cares for and loves me…But who could that person be?
Everyone told Mama, that she should be strong to take care of Siddhee, Preeta, Nani & Mawsa… Mama replied cryingly “B kisanla pu guet moi??” Should I be taking care of Mama?? Of course, but I don’t have so much courage and strength to do same…I’m weak…I’ve lost in this battle…
3 years ago, Mama lost her brother, this year she lost her sister, in years to come, maybe Nani would go…she’ll be left alone…I should be strong enough to handle her…but where to gather so much strength?
Today, I want to scream aloud and say…Yeah…My Massi Was Suffering From Cancer And I Am Not Ashamed To Say It Aloud Because She Has Been A Fighter For More Than Ten Years!!! She’s been through all the required surgeries required starting from breast to removal of her uterus, and I must say that I’m very proud of her…
And I Don’t Regret My Mama Not Being At Home For Almost A Month To Take Care Of Her Sister!
They Have Both Been Very Very Very Strong And Courageous…And Have Always Fought Back In Difficult And Painful Situations!
And I inherited that emotional strength from them. Do you doubt it? But I have lost it for the time being, I’m the weakest person there exist in this world…
Today, I want to thank each and every person who have been close to me and have given me lots of moral support.
I want to say Thanks to my Massi for all the words of encouragement and motivation even when you were suffering at the hospital.
My last assignments wouldn’t have been possible hadn’t you said those words on Thursday 06 November.
You live in my heart Massi…And I Love You Loads…Muaahhh
